I told you I was obsessive...

Hello my faithful readers.  All six of you have been complaining gently suggesting that I need to update the blog.  Apparently someone is tired of seeing the Pride and Prejudice post every time she checks it.  If you recall, on the About Me page, this is exactly what I asked of my readers--to understand I have an obsessive personality and that I am also easily distracted.  And when something distracts me from my true calling, a reminder is greatly appreciated.  So thanks to all of you...you've guilt-ed me back to the page.

Okay, so most of you know what's been distracting me.  I've been training for 3 triathlons....the first of which I completed on June 10th.  My nephew shot this pic as I was coming out of the swim.  Before I was a serious triathlete...I would never dream of posting a picture of myself without makeup on, but I think this one is pretty cool, even without the eyeliner.

(I was 3rd in the swim for my age group, by the way..not that I'm bragging or anything...)

Bike to run transition.

At the finish line.  Click here to see the results.  I'm in the 35-39 age group.  Kerri & I crossed the finish line together, which was cool since we've been friends for 20 years...

Okay, so enough of me being an obsessed triathlete.  Let's talk some books now.  I will never ever ever get caught up with all the reviews I want to do, so I'm going to do a few quick reviews.  We're all busy, afterall, it doesn't mean we can't read some great books.

Did you ever notice that sometimes you end up reading books with similar themes without even intending to?

I noticed this when I found I'd read 3 sister books within a couple months--Shanghai Girls, Pride & Prejudice & True Colors.  The latter was not worth reviewing, if you were wondering.  

Then I realized that I was duplicating other themes:  When reading The Cat's Table by Michael Ondaatje and the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain, I noticed both were about pre-teen boys on coming-of-age journeys.  The Tenderness of Wolves by Stef Penny and The Scottish Prisoner by Diana Gabaldon are both historical fiction mysteries with unrequited love stories AND both included gay male characters that detailed said characters' sad love stories as well.  That kind of blew me away, actually...finding the plot similarities in books that are so completely different.  

Now for some quick reviews:

Michael Ondaatje is the Sri Lankan-born Canadian author of The English Patient, which was made into one of my favorite movies.  His writing is very beautiful, poetic and lyrical.  I've read some of his poetry, too, from The Cinnamon Peeler. The Cat's Table is the story of a eleven year old boy who is on a ocean liner traveling from Sri Lanka to England to be reuinted with the mother he hasn't seen in several years.  It's part adventure, part mystery, part coming-of-age story, as the adult narrator tells the journey retrospectively.  It's a quick read, with engaging characters and unexpected plot twists.  Well worth the 269 pages.  Rating 8.75.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn was a book club pick for two of my book clubs.  One had talked about it and then didn't choose it, and since I'd never read it, I thought I'd suggest it for another book club and they did choose it, but then the first club picked it the next month, so I had two chances to read it and didn't make it all the way through either time.  I feel like a classic drop out.  I bet I got about 1/4 to 1/3 of the way through.  I mostly didn't like Twain's writing style.  I find contemporary writing styles much more sophisticated; I often find "classics" to be irritating.  Additionally, I never really liked any enough of the characters to get invested in the story, so it got abandoned.  (I'm not rating this one.)

The Tenderness of Wolves by Stef Penny is set in northern Canada in the mid 1800s.  It starts out when a woman discovers her neighbor murdered in his cabin.  When suspicion falls on her son, who has disappeared, she heads out into the wilderness with a mysterious trapper to find her son and prove his innocence.  There are also many other side stories here that all weave together beautifully.  This book has engaging characters and heartbreaking moments.  My book club was split on it, however; some people couldn't get into it, but those that did really loved it.  Rating 9.0. 

The Scottish Prisoner by Diana Gabaldon is part of the Lord John series, which is sort of a spin-off/parallel series to her Outlander series.  The Lord John books focus on Lord John Grey and Jamie Frasier, two of the characters from the Outlander books.  While it's not necessary that you read the Outlander books before you read these, you'll understand a lot more of what these characters are facing if you have read the Outlander books.  With that said, this is a good book on it's own--it has mystery, action, and in classic Gabaldon style--emotion.  And there's some hot sex in it too...but it's not the kind of sex that Outlander fans are used to...  Rating this one is unfair because of the HTAF...If I leave out that category, it's a solid 8.75.  Once you add Jamie into the HTAF factor it's off the charts...  :)

I'll try not to be a stranger... 

Review of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

During my stay-at-home-mom years, I had a few favorite movies that I watched over and over again.  They may have been entertainment while I sat nursing a baby, or they were the background noise as I cooked and cleaned and did laundry and changed diapers.  There are too many to list them all, but the BBC six episode min-series version of Pride and Prejudice was one of my go-to DVDs.  It’s 5 hours long, so I could never watch it all in one sitting, but because I knew it by heart, it didn’t matter.  I could start it and stop it at any point and if I was called away for kid-duties, it was okay, because I knew every line, every scene in my head.  My pre-school age son even called it “The Mr. Darcy Show” because it was such a regular in our house. 

I’ve owned a copy of the book for years, have skimmed it many times, but never have I picked it up and read it cover to cover.  I knew I would like it, love it even.  But considering the book was published 199 years ago, I didn’t think it would be a crack book. OMG! Was I wrong!  Once I started it for the BABBs, I couldn’t put it down.  I devoured the last 350 pages in less than a day and finished it in no time flat.  And I loved every word.

I’ve always said I much prefer to see the movie first, because if you love the movie, chances are you’ll love the book too and the movie won’t be so much of a disappointment than if you do it the other way.  It was hard to imagine that I’d like a book more than I love my BBC mini-series.  I didn’t think there was any way I’d think the book was better.  But it was.  Of course it was.  Not that I in any way find my beloved mini-series lacking.   In fact, if anything, I now appreciate it even more as an expert adaptation.  They were so true to the dialogue in the book, so faithful to the course of the novel that I found myself nodding in approval in numerous places, acknowledging the BBC’s portrayal of a scene or they way they condensed several weeks in the book, etc.  It was fun to have the real book version in my hand and now feel like I know it just as well. 

I always feel awkward “reviewing” a piece of classic literature.  Somehow it seems terribly redundant; as if there was anything I could say about this book that hasn’t already been said over and over again.  It wouldn’t have endured for 199 years if it wasn’t fabulous.  Even doing a plot summary seems silly.  Who (honestly) doesn’t know the story?  Anyone?  So I’ve been having a little fun with some of the basic ideas of the story—alliteration and rhyme.  Comment if you can come up with better ones…

Five fortuneless females ferret for fellows

Lizzy loves licentious Lieutenant then learns large lesson

Darcy disinterested due dim dowry

Caroline catty, Collins captivated, Kitty capricious…

Joyful Jane wants jovial joining

Bingley beguiled but buddies boggle with bogus bunk

Elizabeth enchants, Darcy recants

And they all live happily ever after. 

Ratings  (For an explanation of my rating factors, please visit the Rating System Key page.)

Crack Factor – 10.  Really, it’s a 10. 

PeopleFactor – 10.  Austen’s gift is how well she can convey a character’s personality.  And she gives you a cast of characters that is incredibly rich.  From dull and annoying Mr. Collins, to the arrogant Caroline Bingley to the conceited, condescending Catherine DeBourgh, Austen leaves you in no doubt about these characters.  And I love that she gives you just as many that are odious as likeable.   

Story Telling Factor – 9.5.  I was worried that the book would be kind of rambling and boring, just like the lives of these 19^th century rich people, who have no occupation other than to exist and be waited on.  And while the plot seems simple, there is enough drama in this book to propel it forward quickly. 

Writing Skills Factor – ?  Okay, so this was written 199 years ago.  But I was never lost or confused by the language and actually enjoyed it more than books that are only 50 years old.

Bad Ass Babe Factor – 9.9.  Lizzy is totally Bad Ass. 

Hotter than Adam Factor – 9.5.  If Darcy isn’t the epitome of a man who can learn from his mistakes and become the partner he needs to be for his beloved, then I don’t know who is. And he’s hot, too.  

Total Rating 9.78

Review of The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins

  

I really appreciate my regular readers.  But it never occurred to me that you were actually waiting for my reviews until my lovely friend and fellow BABB, Shannon, bless her book-addicted soul, emailed me saying, “I hate to be one of those people, but you haven’t reviewed The Hunger Games yet.”   Two of my book clubs, including the BABBs read the first book in The Hunger Games trilogy in December.  Apparently it was quite noticeable when I posted the review for January’s book before the one for December.  J  All I can say is that some reviews come easily.  With others I like to start and stop and go back and reflect.  It’s often more difficult to review a book I really enjoy than a book I only sort of enjoy. And I know I’ve been neglecting the blog...I do have several excuses for this—the Holidays were insanely crazy and when they were done, I had business travel, work emergencies, triathlon training, and absolute truth be told, I’ve been having so much fun reading, that getting to the page to write has just not happened.  Books are my crack, after all.  Writing about books is my crack therapy, but the addiction is still stronger and always easier.

  

Now onto the review…This is another one of those books that everyone is talking about.  There are actually three books:  The Hunger Games, Catching Fire and Mockingjay, all by Suzanne Collins.   The first movie adaptation is also coming out next month, so that gives you an idea how popular these are.  These are “young adult” books about a dystopic future.  The story begins instantly.  You learn very quickly that at the base of the story is an oppressive government that enslaves the people in their outlying territories.  A rebellion some 70+years ago ended in one of these territories, called “District 13” being completely destroyed and the remaining 12 districts being forced into participating in and watching the annual “Hunger Games,” as a reminder never to rebel again.  In the Hunger Games, each district must send two of their children, a boy and a girl between the ages of 12 & 18 to fight to the death in an arena.  This isn’t gladiator-style.  The arenas are huge, many acres, even miles across and could be located anywhere in the world, from deserts to forests to oceans.  The contestants, called “tributes,” train for several weeks, have personal stylists and often have cosmetic alterations done because the entire games is recorded and broadcast to the whole country, and the “Capital” government wants to put on a good show. 

Tributes are chosen by random drawing, although volunteers are accepted.  Our protagonist, sixteen year old Katniss Everdeen from District 12, volunteers to take the place of her 12-year old sister, Prim, when they pick her name out of the pot.  The plot thickens when her fellow tribute from District 12, Peeta Mellark, announces in his interview that he has been in love with Katniss since they were little children.

 

The plot line sounds horrific, and of course it is horrific to send 24 kids out to kill each other.  When I told my sister about this book, she said “That doesn’t sound like anything I’d ever want to read.”  BUT WAIT---keep reading.  If I do my job with this review, you’ll be another one of those crazy Hunger Games fans before you know it. 

Aside from being well written and action packed, these books really make you think.  Imagine if you were thrown into that arena and forced to kill or be killed.  What would you do?  The televised aspect of these games is a huge factor.  If you put on a good show, your “sponsors” may help you by sending you a tool, or food, or medicine that you desperately need.  Would you be able to perform?  Fake it when you need to in order to manipulate an audience?  And how resentful would you be of a government that forced you into this situation? Wouldn’t you want to bring them down?  How can you appeal to the audience and send a message to your oppressors at the same time?  And would you have the guts to do it when they hold your life, and the lives of people you love in their hands?  Katniss struggles with all these things and readers can’t turn the page fast enough to see how she deals with them.

Ratings  (For an explanation of my rating factors, please visit the Rating System Key page.)

Crack Factor – 9.9.  Can’t put it down?  Neglecting things?  PB & J for dinner?  All marks of a crack book.  The Hunger Games and Catching Fire had me, my husband and my entire book club glued to the pages.  Mockingjay unfortunately fell during the holiday craziness, so I had to put it down to cook and wrap presents and be hostess and stuff, but all are quick reads, definite page turners.  Even my husband, who almost never reads books, finished the first book within a couple days.  I even got text messages from him like “OMG! Peeta just….”  And if a non-reader like Adam can get caught in a book, you gotta imagine it’s good. 

Tears Shed Factor – I wouldn’t necessarily call these books emotional, although there are many emotional parts.  It would always hit me, however, when Katniss was feeling the weight of her responsibilities.  Once you have loved someone enough to be willing to die for them, you know what I mean.  Ever since the death of her father, Katniss has supported and cared for her mother and sister.  Her love for Prim is so fierce, and the thought of losing her to the games is so terrifying, that it’s easier for her to volunteer herself than let her little sister die in the arena.  Love like that gives you chills. 

Distraction Factor – 9.0.  All dystopia books are frightening---most of me says “This could never happen,” but then there’s that little voice in the back of my  head that sees current disturbing trends  taken to extreme ends and realizes that somewhere in the historic record, something similar has probably already happened or is happening somewhere in the world.  Slavery, exploitation, gladiators:  these are not the stuff of imagination, but of history and reality. 

PeopleFactor – 9.0.  Great characters show up all throughout this book.  It has good guys and bad guys and the ones in between, all marvelously flawed, both love-able and odious.  I was frequently angry with Collins when she would kill off my favorites.  UGH! 

Story Telling Factor – 9.0.  You can’t just read one of these books, you really need to commit to all 3 to get a good sense of the story, but books one and two will leave you wanting more, so you won’t want to wait.  They are well plotted and move along fast.  If I had any gripes about the story, it was that a few times, the story had to halt because of its ‘Young Adult Fiction” literary category.  I found this incredibly irritating.  The author definitely stopped the story in a “teen appropriate” place a few times when I really wanted it to go to the adult place.  This was even more irritating because I felt that stopping in the teen place was contrary to what probably would have happened in real life.  The natural progression of some of these parts would have been to take it further, but the author had to stop where she did.  Frustrating. 

Writing Skills Factor –Okay, this is not great literature, but never once did I sit up and say---wow—the writing is bugging me, or this doesn’t make sense, or she could have done this better.  Collins’ writing skills are good—she can tell a story well, and keep you coming back for more. 

Bad Ass Babe Factor – 9.5  The best heroes and heroines are the ones who never want to be one in the first place.  They are the ones created when the world needs them, who step into the role that is forced on them and rise to the occasion.  Katniss is an amazing, if reluctant, heroine. She carries the weight of responsibility on her young shoulders most of the time, but she has her moments of self doubt, of protest, and of anger, which makes her human and more appealing.  She makes sure to take care of the people she loves.  She is smart and tough.

Hotter than Adam Factor – 9.5.  I think anyone would admit that it’s hard to resist someone who is completely in love with you.  Peeta’s love for Katniss is continually touching in its innocence and selflessness.  I felt so bad for him so many times and I wanted to smack her over the head for not getting it…until.  I’m not going to give anything away, but Peeta is an incredibly appealing leading man. (And then there's Finnick...I imagine him somewhat like a blonder Adam with a trident...yummy...)  One of the BABBs sent this pic to the rest of us, so I must include it:

Total Rating: 9.31

For serious Hunger Games fans,  here's the trailer:

Review of Atonement by Ian McEwan

When my co-workers’ kids were going off to college, I watched them struggle with empty nest syndrome.  As a parent, I can only imagine this inevitability when I look at my grade-school age kids.  But I know it’s out there and I know how hard it will be for me when the time comes.   My own memories of going off to college, however, had no recollection of my parents’ struggles with this.  So I asked my mom—was it hard for you?  She told me she cried the whole way home after they dropped me off.  Of course it was hard, but she said nothing of it to me at the time.  And I was too self-absorbed at the time to notice what my actions were doing to everyone around me.   

If you love a good love story, Atonement by Ian McEwan will piss you off.  There is a love story in here—but it gets destroyed and trampled on almost before it begins by powers out of its control—the imagination, selfishness and malice of a 13 year old girl.  This is the story of a self-absorbed adolescent who misinterprets what she sees between her sister and a family friend.  Seeking attention and drama—she fabricates a story accusing him of a crime he didn’t commit.   The lie takes on a life of its own and alters the lives of all characters forever.  It’s an upsetting, disturbing and sad story, but not a bad book.  The writing style and perspectives of different characters are unique and beautiful and I loved the way some passages were written deliberately vague, forcing me to re-read them over again to fully appreciate their beauty.  And McEwan writes a love scene that is one of the best I’ve ever read by a male author.  The novel does have some rather odd structure, however, and that, along with the sad premise, got a lot of criticism from the other BABBs. 

The offending character does offer “atonement” for her crimes, however, in her own way.  That brings the story full-circle and offers the reader, as well as her sister and her sister’s lover a better ending than real life provided. 

Parting note—Robbie—a solid 9.25 on the HTAF scale.  And that one scene could maybe even push him to a 10.01—but don’t tell Adam.  Well, maybe somebody should tell Adam…  Any volunteers?  I am so going to get in trouble for this…

Review of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

I have a really great soup recipe.  It’s called “Garlicky Mango Soup” and was the first place soup contest winner in Vegetarian Times magazine around 15 years ago.  When I made this soup for my parents the first time, my dad said “Wow!  This is the BEST soup I’ve ever had!”  My mom took a little offense to this (not really) because she’d been cooking soup for him for years and her soups are pretty awesome.  I took Dad’s compliment as genuine, because I know that in that moment, it really WAS the best soup he’d ever had.  I also took it with a realistic grain of salt, because I know that next week, he’d think the same thing about the Split Pea with Ham that my mom would make for him.  And he’d be telling the truth both times.  A comment like this is par for the course with both my parents.  They are incredibly enthusiastic when they appreciate something.  According to my dad I also make the BEST blueberry pie he’s ever had.  My mom is the same way.  She enjoys food, books, movies, friends, a well stocked grocery store, drives in the country and so many other things with simple joy.   I happen to think this is one of the best gifts my parents could have given me---the ability to get really excited about something you love---appreciation with enthusiasm.   When you can REALLY enjoy a simple thing in life, it makes your life so much nicer.  You may occasionally get teased for golden retriever excitement by the negative nellies of the world, but in general, you’ll be a happier person for it.      

With that disclaimer out of the way, let me get on with the book review.  I LOVED this book.  It is easily one of my FAVORITE books of all time.  This is the kind of book I will tell everyone about ad nauseam for the next umpteen months.  The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Schaffer & Annie Barrows had me laughing, crying, excited, hopeful, fearful, and surprised.  It is the story of Juliet, an English writer, searching for her next story.  She finds it quite by accident when she receives a letter from a resident of Guernsey Island.  He and his neighbors share with her their stories of German occupation during WWII.  Juliet gets incredibly close to her subjects and even ends up with a place for herself in their story.  Almost the entire narrative is written as correspondence between the characters.  This approach makes for a story that moves quickly and gives you multiple characters’ perspectives. 

Readers will love the characters in this book.  I also loved the community that these people created.  Even in the midst of war, occupation, poverty and starvation, they brought out the best in each other.  We should all be so lucky to have friends and neighbors that care so much about each other.  They did what they have to do to protect each other and provide for each other.  I found it profound, humbling and inspiring.  It’s the kind of story that will make you believe in the goodness of people and want to be a better person yourself. 

Ratings  (For an explanation of my rating factors, please visit the Rating System Key page.)

Crack Factor – 9.9.  I might list this book as part of my definition of a crack book.  Seriously—I was that hooked on it. 

Tears Shed Factor – 9.9.  This book is an emotional workout.  I laughed out loud.  Some parts made me angry.  Others made me sad.   And I wept.  Several times.  (Many times.)  

  

Distraction Factor – 9.5.  If you had less than 24 hours to decide whether or not to send your children to live with strangers, in order to protect them from an invading army that is headed for your home, what would you do?  What if you were in a prison camp and your fellow prisoner was being threatened by a guard?  Or what would you do with the 2-year old little girl, left behind when her mother, your neighbor and friend, is taken--arrested and deported by enemy soldiers?  These are just some of the questions the characters in this novel face and they haunted me.  And still do. 

Enrichment Factor –  9.0.  I have above average geographical knowledge and I actually knew that the island of Guernsey existed, but I didn’t know how close it was to the French coastline and I knew nothing about its occupation by the German army.  This book described the hardships of wartime and occupation with excruciating detail. 

PeopleFactor – 9.75.  These characters will work their way into your heart and they’ll stay there for a long time.

Story Telling Factor – 9.5.  The authors have a great knack for weaving multiple plot lines into one book—this was a war story, a community story, a romance, a tragedy, and at times, even a comedy. 

Writing Skills Factor – 9.5. The correspondence style was a unique twist—but a great way to give you a sense of each character in his or her own words.  The authors did this very well.  They also were profoundly good at writing emotion and provoking emotional response. 

Bad Ass Babe Factor –  Elizabeth 9.9.  This character is the only one you never know first hand, you only hear about her from other characters.  She is strong, brave and loyal.  She is fearless and a fierce friend, the kind of heroine you want in your corner.  Kat, 9.5 – I don’t know if it’s appropriate to give a 4 year old a BAB rating, but I thought this kid was cool.  Juliet 9.0 – The protagonist is pretty cool, too.  Very smart, sassy and caring.  And she’s a writer, so she gets extra points for that.    

Hotter than Adam Factor – Dawsey, 9.  You gotta love a middle aged bachelor who is helping to raise his missing neighbor’s 4 year old daughter. 

Total Rating: 9.495

The “Hotter Than Adam Factor”---HTAF rating explained…

I may quite possibly be the luckiest woman on earth.  There are many reasons I consider myself lucky, but one of the primary ones is because I happen to be married to the most attractive man I’ve ever seen in real life.  I really truly honestly think this.  I thought it the first day that I met him.  I vividly remember thinking:  “Wow.  This is the hottest guy I’ve ever seen---and he’s flirting with ME!?!”  And I still think it to this day.  I assume most people are attracted to their spouses.  But does everyone think their spouse is hotter than all others of the opposite sex?  Because seriously, anytime we’re in a crowd and I look around at the other men, I still think, “Yup, mine’s the hottest.”  Adam doesn’t believe me, of course.  He thinks I’m just trying to flatter him when I tell him.  But it’s true. 

When I’ve told this to other people, they are like, “Oh yeah, what about Brad Pitt?”  Truth is, there are only a few celebrities that come close to being Hotter Than Adam.  Close, but not quite Hotter Than Adam.   To me, the ones that come closest are all just slightly different versions of Adam.  Like Ben Affleck (HTAF 9.75).  He is the brown haired, brown eyed, Oscar-winning, Bostonian version of Adam.  Ricky Martin (HTAF 9.0) is the gay Latino pop star version of Adam.  David Beckham (HTAF 9.95) is the British soccer star version of Adam.  Daniel Craig (HTAF 9.5) is the James Bond version of Adam.  Now you know my type---handsome, clean cut “bad boys,” who are actually nice guys.  [I hope they’re nice guys, anyway—I haven’t actually met any of them…]

But even though Mother Nature has yet to come up with the man who is Hotter Than Adam, I’m afraid there are a few authors who have created characters who ARE Hotter Than Adam.  This is a very finite list, but it does exist.  Mother Nature cannot compete with the imagination of a female author who is creating a fantasy hero/heartthrob. 

Here is my list of characters that are Hotter Than Adam in the order that I met them.

The first one is Jondalar, the pre-historic Cro-Magnon caveman from the Earth’s Children’s series by Jean M. Auel.  I read the first three of these books (The Clan of the Cavebear, The Valley of Horses, The Mammoth Hunters) while I was in high school.  Jondalar is 6’6” tall, with long blond hair.  He is tough and smart, kind and wise and incredibly attractive. [Note to my Dad- You must skip the rest of this paragraph.  I mean it.  If you don’t skip it, you’re never allowed to comment about this to me.  Ever.] Plus, he lives in a matrilineal goddess-worshiping society so he knows how to please a woman.  It is probably safe to say that Jondalar was my first sexual experience.  (No snickers out there---I know most men probably had their first sexual experience within the pages of a stroke book, so hush up.)  Jondalar is a solid 11.5 on the HTAF scale for all of the above reasons.  And you never forget your first. 

As a side note, I don’t know that I would find these books interesting anymore.  I tried picking up #4, The Plains of Passage about 5-10 years ago and I couldn’t get into it.  I must have outgrown them.  The 6^th book, the Land of Painted Caves is currently on the bestseller’s list.  Maybe I’ll give them one more try… I did enjoy the characters, and I hate not knowing what happened to them.

My second HTAF character is Carlos Manoso, AKA  “Ranger,” the Cuban-American, ex military special forces, (hence the streetname:  Ranger) bounty hunter, bodyguard, security expert extraordinaire from the Stephanie Plum novels (One for the Money, Two for the Dough, etc.) by Janet Evanovich.  Just under 6’ tall, mocha latte skin, silky black hair, smart, sexy, successful, BUILT and oh my oh my oh my.  Smokin’ hot.  Ranger is dark and mysterious.  He is not the guy you bring home to mother, but he is a nice distraction.  Ranger is a definite 15. 

Another side note.  I’ve outgrown these books, too.  The first few Stephanie Plum novels were fun, silly reads.  Evanovich knows how to write humor amazingly well.  You will laugh out loud at some of the absurd craziness in these books.  But as the numbers get higher, the plots get stupider and her characters never evolve.  I still pick them up for quick brainless reads, but the last 6 or 7 of them have irritated more than entertained me. 

And last but not least… and highest on the HTAF scale is James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser, “Jamie,” from the Outlander novels by Diana Gabaldon.  Jamie is an 18^th century Scottish Highlander. He is 6’4” tall, with red hair, fair skin and deep blue eyes.  He is built like a warrior and he has the battle scars to prove that it’s not just for show.  He has more than the average career changes, having been a Scottish Lord, a soldier, a military officer, a farmer, a diplomat, an outlaw, a business man, prisoner, horse groom, printer, smuggler, sailor, and much more.  He is smart and educated and tough.  Surprisingly, he was a virgin on his wedding night at the age of 23, and he remains ever faithful and devoted to his equally amazing (twentieth century) wife, Claire.  On the Hotter than Adam factor, Jamie gets a score of 187.  That number might even be a little low.  I could go as high as 287.  Honestly, he is so hot you can find fan websites for him all over the internet in dozens of languages.  There are hundreds and hundreds of You tube videos devoted to him; women all over the world lust after this man. 

So speaking of the whole world lusting after Jamie, I found this fabulous You Tube video with some reader’s image of what she thinks Jamie would look like.  My 6 year old daughter caught me watching it and asked me what it was (She LOVES You Tube).  So of course, I told her he was my boyfriend.  The next day, while she’s playing with the iPod, she pulls up the video and promptly shows it to Adam and says, “This is mommy’s boyfriend.”  Traitor. 

We were all in the kitchen, making our Friday night pizza and Adam gives me this quizzical look, so I shrugged, nodded shamefully and said “Yup.”

Adam leans over Julia’s shoulder, takes a peek at the screen and says “So how high does this one rate on the HTAF scale?” 

HA!  In my wildest dreams I never imagined I’d be having this conversation with my husband. “187,” I replied. 

“187?!  If he’s a 187, what am I?”

“You’re the 10.”

“I’m only a 10?”

“No, no, no , you’re THE 10.  10 is the highest rating there is, with only three fictional exceptions.  I told you about this…”  [Note exasperated tone to hide defensiveness.]

He took the iPod from Julia.  “Let me see that video again.”  After another second he said, “I get it now…he’s definitely a 187.  I’ve even got the hots for this guy.  If he ever comes to life, I’m going to want him.  You’re gonna have to fight me for him.” 

And then we had this pretty ridiculous exchange as if Adam were suddenly going to change teams and leave me for a fictional 18^th century Scottish highlander.  The fact that my husband can joke so well about having the hots for my own fictional obsession is one of the many reasons why I still think he’s the hottest guy I’ve ever seen in real life.   And he’s got a really great ass, too.

All of this lusting brings me back to my “Porn for Women” idea that I first mention in my post about Twilight and New Moon by Stephenie Meyer.  While none of the Earth’s Children, Stephanie Plum nor Outlander books are officially categorized as “romance” novels, I do consider them romance-adjacent.   So I feel slightly hypocritical writing about them like this.   My aversion to “romance” novels started many years ago when I realized that most of them were just plain stupid.  And as I mentioned in the previous post, their fictionalized romantic scenes distort reality too much.  Reality starts looking paltry in comparison.  When I read the Outlander books, my reality was so twisted that poor Adam (THE 10 on the HTAF scale) just couldn’t do anything right.  So I still have to pick up those books in small doses.  I’ve only read the first 4 and I’m taking a break from the next ones.  I think fictional character obsessions are like spin class—they make your heart race so fast you think you’re dying and then the book/class is over and you recover.  But the next time you crack the binding or go to class, you’re panting and sweating all over again and wondering what the heck you were thinking submitting yourself to this craziness.  Speaking of which, I have to get to bed, I have Spin class in the morning at 6am…

But before I leave you, let me clarify the HTAF rating a little bit more.  As I mention on the rating key page, Adam will not be a 10 on everyone’s scale. The key is to imagine your “ten” and fit the character to your scale accordingly.  Hotness need not be physical, although that can be part of it.  Just like my Bad Ass Babe Factor, it’s really about a great male character.  Heartthrob maybe, hero maybe, good guy-most-of- the-time are reasons to make the HTAF scale.  But I even consider Prior Phillip in Ken Follett’s Pillars of the Earth to be a contributor to the HTAF in that book, and he’s a monk, so not physically hot at all…but admirable and clever and pivotal to the story, definitely.  By himself Prior Phillip gets at least an 8.5 on the HTAF scale.